Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hillary Clinton. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Choose Your poison: Trump The Magnificent, or Hillary “The Godmother” Clinton


The two major party candidates for President of the United States stink. Their stenches differ a bit, but they both stink to high heaven. Take your pick, voters. Hillary “The Godmother” Clinton, head of the Clintoni Crime Syndicate who will be making deals that citizens can’t refuse, or His Most Excellent Tremendous Excellency Donald “The Magnificent” Trump. 

 One of them is going to win the election in a mudslide because they are both slinging it like never before. No matter who wins, Americans are probably going to be stuck for four years with the most tyrannical President in our country’s history. So, whose hand do you want to kneel down and kiss?

The Make America Laugh Again campaign rolls on in Florida’s 4th Congressional District

John Rutherford, who seeks to represent Florida’s 4th Congressional District, sat out the recent debate with three other candidates at FSCJ last week. With endorsements from The Florida Times-Union and incumbent Ander Crenshaw, and with the name recognition that comes from serving for twelve years as the elected Sheriff of Duval County, and with about a gazillion dollars in donations, he appears to be coasting his way to Congress.

Newsflash: Danny Murphy has not dropped out of the race and Danny Murphy will not drop out.  There’s too much at stake. Voters can write his name in on the blank line under the names of the other three candidates. 

Another Newsflash: If you need some non-partisan entertainment for an election party in the near future, Danny Murphy has some limited availability between campaign appearances. Send him an email at danny@business-humor.com. 

 I'm Danny Murphy, and I approve of this rant. 

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain

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Sunday, September 25, 2016

Trump vs. Clinton in Elect-ageddon! Let’s get ready to rumble.

Courtesy of DonkeyHotey via Wikimedia Commons
Our main event promises to be both exciting and entertaining. Here is the tale of the tape. In the red corner, Deplorable Donald Trump stands six feet and three inches tall and weighs in at 236 pounds. In the blue corner, Crooked Hillary Clinton stands five feet six inches tall and weighs 132 pounds. Don’t let her size deceive you folks. As her past opponents have found out, she has a very formidable jab.
Trump clearly has a height and weight advantage, but Clinton has far more experience in this type of one-on-one battle. Indeed, in some important ways, this fight is almost like a seasoned pro facing an over-sized and over-confident amateur. However, Trump has been training hard for this event, and it should be noted that he probably will have a few interesting tricks up his sleeve.
While Trump has earned a reputation as a brawler, his technique has been widely criticized for its crudeness. Clinton has shown much more finesse, something that Trump could find quite challenging to deal with.  It will be interesting to see whether Trump wants to go toe to toe right from the start or whether he’ll be cautious and hold back waiting to see what Clinton comes at him with. Trump has been known to jump in too fast and he has made costly mistakes as a result.
The pre-bout head games have been interesting to say the least, involving the names of celebrities like Mark Cuban and Gennifer Flowers. Neither Trump nor Clinton will hesitate to hit below the belt if the opportunity to do so without getting caught presents itself.  Since a low blow could be more troubling for Trump than for Clinton, it will be interesting to see which of our competitors goes there first. This could get ugly very quickly.


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Monday, September 19, 2016

Bombs and knives may take our lives, but words will win the Jihad!

Following up on the terrorist attacks of this past weekend, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said at a press conference, “We are in a narrative battle.”

Perhaps Josh Earnest is vying to become Secretary of Words in Hillary Clinton’s administration, if she is elected. If the United States truly is engaged in a narrative battle, we don’t seem to be winning. We are obviously going to need much better writers.

Jumping to conclusions?

Every time a bomb goes off in the middle of a major city or an apparent Jihadist tries to kill large numbers of people in a mall, or in a subway, or in a nightclub, or in some other busy area, some high government official - mayor, governor, whatever -  immediately urges people not to jump to conclusions about the culprits or any connection to Islamic terrorism.

People like President Obama and Secretary Clinton always stay very cool, calm, and collected as they read their comments off Teleprompters. Why can’t they get angry? When this stuff happens, I’d like to see someone get hotheaded and pound on the lectern for a change. That would be refreshing! And why not jump to a conclusion once in a while? Where would be the tremendous harm in that?

After Benghazi, President Obama, Secretary of State Clinton, and everyone else in that administration jumped to the conclusion that the murderous attack, which killed Ambassador Stevens and three other Americans, was due to the theatrical release of a terrible, horrible movie that cast Muhammed in a less than favorable light. (The President and his team did a fine job of selling that narrative too.) So, where was the harm in jumping to that erroneous conclusion? What difference did it make?


I’m Danny Murphy and I approve of this rant.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain 

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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Elect-ageddon: Donald's Deplorables vs. Hillary's Clintonables

Clintonables
This election is shaping up to be the ultimate political showdown. The Deplorables have been clearly defined. Hillary Clinton recently said, “You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic — you name it. And unfortunately there are people like that. And he has lifted them up. He has given voice to their websites that used to only have 11,000 people — now 11 million. He tweets and retweets their offensive, hateful, mean-spirited rhetoric. Now some of those folks — they are irredeemable, but thankfully they are not America.”

But what about the Cintonables? What do the Clintonables believe? They believe that Hillary Clinton, Our Lady of Whitewater, can do no wrong. They believe that her pathological lying is nothing to be concerned about. They believe that she has been falsely accused of jeopardizing the nation’s security by using a private email server. They believe, in spite of the disaster at Benghazi and other foreign policy failures, that she was an excellent Secretary of State. Finally, they believe that she is fit for office and that she will be a fine President.

I’m Danny Murphy and I approve of this rant.
#MakeAmericaLaughAgain #deplorables #clintonables

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Sunday, August 14, 2016

We, The People, love it when political campaigns go negative.

Hoke and Spare Change
Although the vast majority of Americans say they don’t like negative political campaigns, many secretly love negative campaigns. How else would it be possible that the most negative candidates in the two major political parties have risen to the top and secured their nominations?
Since their coronations at the Republican and Democrat conventions, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have not disappointed.  He says that she is crooked. She says that he’s unstable.  He says she’s a liar about the emails. She says she short-circuited. He says things that sound ludicrous. She says he’s unstable. He says she’s crooked…
The only end in sight is November 9th, the day after the election. (Of course, if something goes wrong in the ever unpredictable state of Florida, the outcome of the election may not be determined for weeks, as was the case in the historic election of 2000.)
We're not even into September and the schticks the candidates have been using already seem old and worn out. It's quite possible that viewers and voters may develop campaign fatigue. Instead of merely saying that they don’t like negative campaigns, they may actually grow tired of them. By the time we get to October, people may be so bored that they barely notice the October surprises when they are rolled out.
Republican Primary in Florida’s 4th Congressional District
“As August begins, the most interesting narrative in the GOP primary race in Florida’s 4th Congressional District is the back-and-forth between John Rutherford and Hans Tanzler,” writes A.G. Gancarski for Florida Politics.
Rutherford says Tanzler is a political insider. (It seems like an odd accusation from someone who was Jacksonville’s elected Sheriff for twelve years.)  Tanzler says Rutherford isn’t really a conservative. The rhetoric is pretty tame so far. Lake Ray, who is probably the only other candidate with a shot at winning the primary, has begun running non-attack ads.
According to Gancarski, “The other four candidates — Ed Malin, Deborah Pueschel, Bill McClure, and Steve Kaufman — lack the resources to go negative in a meaningful way on their opponents, and as a result they will be vying for the populist outsider track in this race.”
The 4th District has been a Republican stronghold since Tillie Fowler was elected in 1992. Whoever wins the Republican primary at the end of the month will be in a very strong position to win the general election in November. With that in mind, things may heat up a bit in the next few weeks. 

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Thursday, August 4, 2016

Hoke and Spare Change: How to run for Congress for $100

That's a vintage Palm Beach voting booth.
It was used in the historic election of 2000.
At the recent Trump rally in Jacksonville, I was asked by several people why I got into the race to represent the folks who live in Florida’s 4th Congressional District. As a write-in candidate with no party affiliation, I am, admittedly, a long shot. So, why did I get into this race?
  1. On April Fools’ Day, The Florida Times-Union used a letter to the editor by me in which I announced that I would run for President. Most of that letter was from a schtick I put together years ago when I was in comedy. It was Pat Paulsen-ish. Here’s an excerpt.
    “Many Americans have lost their sense of humor. We no longer laugh as we once did. Candidates have been getting meaner and the jokes have been getting uglier. However, we can     Make America Laugh Again. Not with insults to belittle one another, but with kinder gentler jokes. I envision an America with a thousand points of laughter, all over this great land of ours. This laugh is your laugh, this laugh is my laugh. Life, liberty, and laughter - these are the values that will bring our country back together. Ask not what your country can do to make you laugh. Ask what you can do to make a fellow American laugh. Give me laughter, or give me death!”
  2. Two weeks later, when Congressman Crenshaw announced he was retiring, I looked into what it would actually take to get into the race for that seat. I discovered that it’s so easy a caveman could do it. Even a caveman with very limited resources.
  3. This is the craziest election I can remember. The two candidates for President, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, are truly terrible. American voters are accustomed to choosing between the lesser of two evils. This year, determining which it is promises to be quite challenging. That being the case, I felt that becoming a candidate would provide me with a good platform from which to provide running commentary. Plus, I came up with a slogan that seemed perfect for this election season. “Make America laugh again.”
  4. When I found out that it wasn’t prohibitively expensive to officially become a candidate, I decided to see how far I could go on a budget of $100, totally out of my own pocket. If elected, I won’t owe anybody anything. Getting the paperwork notarized and sending it off to Tallahassee by certified mail cost about twenty dollars. I spent another fifteen dollars on the hat and another twenty dollars on business cards. That leaves $45.00. So far, so good!
  5. Even though I'm a bit of a long-shot, the idea of a steady gig that pays well ($170,000 plus solid benefits) is appealing. Also, it seems like the work would be interesting. 
So, there you have it. I’ll be in this race and blogging about it through November.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain

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