Make America Laugh Again: debate

Showing posts with label debate. Show all posts

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Make America Laugh Again: Danny Murphy's closing comments at Congressional Candidates' Debate, FSCJ North Campus

Photo by A.G. Gancarski

The debate was held at the North Campus of Florida State College in Jacksonville on Wednesday, October 26, 2016. Participants in the debate were David Bruderly (Democrat), Gary Koniz (Independent), and yours truly (write-in candidate with no party affiliation). The front-runner, John Rutherford (Republican), sat out the event. The complete text of my closing comments is below the video.

Many Americans have lost their sense of humor, especially when it comes to politics. According to a poll by The American Psychological Association, 52 percent of Americans over 18 years old say that this election is a source of stress for them. We no longer laugh as we once did. It’s no wonder considering the current political climate. Candidates have been getting meaner and the jokes have been getting uglier. However, we can make America laugh again. Not with insults to belittle one another, but with kinder gentler jokes.

People say that laughter is the best medicine. So why isn’t comedy part of healthcare? Laughter is not only the best medicine. It’s also our least costly healthcare option. With my Haha Health Program, Comedy Practitioners will be able to prescribe jokes that heal instead of expensive drugs. Consumers are going to see tremendous savings!

I envision an America with a thousand points of laughter, all over this great land of ours. This laugh is your laugh, this laugh is my laugh. Life, liberty, and laughter - these are the values that will bring our country back together. Ask not what your country can do to make you laugh. Ask what you can do to make a fellow American laugh. Give me laughter, or give me death! Preferably laughter.

I’m Danny Murphy and I approve of these jokes.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Make America Laugh Again: Congressional Candidates Debate at Florida State College in Jacksonville

My Opening Comments, October 26, 2016

Photo by A.G. Gancarski

I read recently that intelligence is now considered a key element for sex appeal. You know, it really did take a genius to figure that out. Thank you very much! As I look around tonight, I am seeing a lot of intelligent people.

One thing that I will give you that these other candidates will not is a good joke to open every speech. That is my solemn promise to you, the voters.

Now on to the serious stuff. First, I’d like to thank the organizers of this event for inviting me to be here tonight. I’m especially delighted to be here at Florida State College in Jacksonville. Back in the 80s, when this fine institution was known as Florida Community College at Jacksonville, I earned my Associates Degree here. I took my first speech class at Kent Campus. When I was President of the North Florida Writers’ Group, we had our meetings at the Kent Campus. My eldest daughter earned her Associates Degree at FSCJ. My other daughter and my son are currently enrolled.

FSCJ has been preparing people in this part of the state for successful careers for a very long time. Unfortunately, the economy is not providing as many good opportunities as we’ve seen in the past. These days, you can do the right thing, study and earn your degree, and then graduate into a world where you get to earn minimum wage or a tiny bit more. We are years into the recovery from the Great Recession and the economy is growing at the anemic rate of two percent per year. That is not a growth rate which will produce the good jobs and the new businesses that people need to succeed. Two percent is completely unacceptable.

(This is where I got cut off for time. I should have been reading faster!)

The two party system has failed miserably to get the economy running. The two party system has also failed to produce good candidates for President. Many, many voters are likely to sit out this election because they cannot, in good conscience, vote for either candidate. Whichever candidate wins will start out as one of the most unpopular Presidents in our country’s history. This is where the two party system has taken us. It’s not working.

It’s time for a new approach and I want to be part of that. That’s why I’m running with no party affiliation. The ballot will have the names of the Democrat, the Republican, and the Independent. Below their names there will be a blank line where you’ll be able to write in my name, Danny Murphy. I hope that you will consider doing something different and writing my name in on November 8^th.

I’m Danny Murphy, and I approve of this rant.

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I won some Comedy Central contest 20 years ago with that sex appeal joke. However, it fell flat at the debate. I was the third candidate to make opening comments and people were looking around like, "What is this guy doing?" I didn't time the opening well either and I got cut off with two paragraphs to go. Oh well. It was an interesting night. I was the last candidate to close. I was feeling it by then and I closed pretty strong, as in funny.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Trump vs. Clinton in Elect-ageddon! Let’s get ready to rumble.

Courtesy of DonkeyHotey via Wikimedia Commons

Our main event promises to be both exciting and entertaining. Here is the tale of the tape. In the red corner, Deplorable Donald Trump stands six feet and three inches tall and weighs in at 236 pounds. In the blue corner, Crooked Hillary Clinton stands five feet six inches tall and weighs 132 pounds. Don’t let her size deceive you folks. As her past opponents have found out, she has a very formidable jab.

Trump clearly has a height and weight advantage, but Clinton has far more experience in this type of one-on-one battle. Indeed, in some important ways, this fight is almost like a seasoned pro facing an over-sized and over-confident amateur. However, Trump has been training hard for this event, and it should be noted that he probably will have a few interesting tricks up his sleeve.

While Trump has earned a reputation as a brawler, his technique has been widely criticized for its crudeness. Clinton has shown much more finesse, something that Trump could find quite challenging to deal with. It will be interesting to see whether Trump wants to go toe to toe right from the start or whether he’ll be cautious and hold back waiting to see what Clinton comes at him with. Trump has been known to jump in too fast and he has made costly mistakes as a result.

The pre-bout head games have been interesting to say the least, involving the names of celebrities like Mark Cuban and Gennifer Flowers. Neither Trump nor Clinton will hesitate to hit below the belt if the opportunity to do so without getting caught presents itself. Since a low blow could be more troubling for Trump than for Clinton, it will be interesting to see which of our competitors goes there first. This could get ugly very quickly.