Make America Laugh Again: Donald Trump

Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts

Friday, November 11, 2016

Anti-Trump Protest in Jacksonville

Jacksonville had its first post-election anti-Trump rally on November 11, 2016, at Riverside Park. I went expecting to see the same kind of anger and anarchy that has been showing up in other cities. I’m happy to report that I didn’t see anything like that. The event started out with about ten people lighting candles and making signs with magic markers. Over the course of the next hour, the group grew to about fifty.

There was more sadness than anger. Some people are genuinely concerned about what happens next. That's understandable considering the President-elect's rhetoric and his past. The comments offered up were positive, focusing on the need for political change. There were no chants of “Not my President.” After about an hour, the group joined in singing several songs, ending with The Star Spangled Banner.

There seemed to be an acceptance that the results of the election weren’t what most of the people at the event would have liked. There was also determination about how to move forward. There was no burning of flags and no destruction of property. The event was an entirely proper expression of free speech. It would be nice if the demonstrators in other cities could follow the example of the participants in the Jacksonville event.

Grieving over a political loss

As a write-in candidate with no party affiliation, I was soundly defeated in my bid to represent Florida’s 4^th Congressional District. The winner, Republican John Rutherford, got over 168,000 votes. There were 477 write-in votes and there's no way to really know how many of those were for me. It’s fair to say that I was thrashed, throttled, and thrown under a bus.

Were my supporters upset? Deeply. Did they organize protests and then riots? No. After 24 hours, they all moved on with their lives. The courage of those volunteers is just unbelievable! They are an inspiration to me and I hope that others who are upset over the results of the election will look at them as role models. I know I do.

It was a Trump-ific and Trump-endous election!

Donald Trump likes the word terrific. Another good word is tremendous. And those two words can be combined: tremendously terrific and terrifically tremendous. Also, it’s probably time to add a few brand new words to the language: Trumpific and Trumpendous. It’s just a matter of time!

Abolish the Electoral College?

Getting rid of the Electoral College would require a Constitutional amendment, which isn't easy. According to the National Archives, “The Constitution provides that an amendment may be proposed either by the Congress with a two-thirds majority vote in both the House of Representatives and the Senate or by a constitutional convention called for by two-thirds of the State legislatures.”

If a movement to amend the Constitution could overcome that very high hurdle, the amendment would then have to be ratified/approved by three quarters of the states. Here’s the insurmountable problem. The less populous states will never agree to give up any of their clout in national elections so that the more populous states could have more clout. It will never happen.

The states can determine what happens to their Electoral votes. Most states simply award all of their votes to whichever candidate wins in their own state. Nebraska and Maine split their votes based on the results of the election in their own state.

Also, there's an effort to get states to award their votes to the winner of the popular vote nationally. If states with 270 Electoral votes or more agree to that, it would ensure that the winner of the popular vote would win the election.

Renunciation of Citizenship?

People are saying “Trump is not my President.” Actually, unless people renounce their citizenship, Trump will, in fact, be their President. Like it, or not. Fortunately, there is a guidebook on how to go about renouncing citizenship.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Votes Matter: Protests after the election, not so much.

The objectives of the anti-Trump protestors aren’t clear yet, but it appears that they want the election nullified. They’re burning flags. They’re chanting “Not my President.” They’re burning the President-elect in effigy.

While they themselves are behaving like anarchists, they are calling Trump and his supporters fascists. They don’t seem to understand the political process. Candidates campaigned. We had an election. People voted. Donald Trump won decisievly.

Votes matter. Protests afterward, not so much.

#VotesMatter

Pollsters Performing Poorly, coming soon to a screen near you.

They all said that Trump’s path to victory was “narrow.” They said it over and over and over. Did anyone predict that he would get 300 electoral votes? I don’t think so. Considering the pathetic performances of the pollsters, they either don’t know how to do their jobs or they were doing their work is such a way as to influence the outcome. Either way, they failed miserably. There may be excellent business opportunities for entrepreneurial types who can do better.

Womb University, Home of The Babies

Many college students are distraught over the results of the election. Some are in deep need of consolation and are unable to go to their classes. Welcome to Womb University, your safe space for higher education. We have lots of hugs and the cocoa flows freely.

Check out our hockey team, The Womb U Babies. They’ve never won, but, then again, winning isn’t everything. The important thing is how you play the game! And when you play the game the way it should be played, we’ll all be winners. Yay!

#GiveMeASafeSpaceOrGiveMeDeath

Empathy Center for the Treatment of Sensitivity Deficiencies and Disorders

Womb University is proud to announce the grand opening of its new Empathy Center. While most of our faculty and students understand the importance of compassion for others, we do occasionally come across individuals who think others should “suck it up, quit whining, and grow up.” It’s unfortunate, but there are still people here and there who think that way. They need help, and they can get it at the Empathy Center. There are classes in Remedial Compassion, as well as group therapy and individual counseling.

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Choose Your poison: Trump The Magnificent, or Hillary “The Godmother” Clinton

The two major party candidates for President of the United States stink. Their stenches differ a bit, but they both stink to high heaven. Take your pick, voters. Hillary “The Godmother” Clinton, head of the Clintoni Crime Syndicate who will be making deals that citizens can’t refuse, or His Most Excellent Tremendous Excellency Donald “The Magnificent” Trump.

One of them is going to win the election in a mudslide because they are both slinging it like never before. No matter who wins, Americans are probably going to be stuck for four years with the most tyrannical President in our country’s history. So, whose hand do you want to kneel down and kiss?

The Make America Laugh Again campaign rolls on in Florida’s 4^th Congressional District

John Rutherford, who seeks to represent Florida’s 4^th Congressional District, sat out the recent debate with three other candidates at FSCJ last week. With endorsements from The Florida Times-Union and incumbent Ander Crenshaw, and with the name recognition that comes from serving for twelve years as the elected Sheriff of Duval County, and with about a gazillion dollars in donations, he appears to be coasting his way to Congress.

Newsflash: Danny Murphy has not dropped out of the race and Danny Murphy will not drop out. There’s too much at stake. Voters can write his name in on the blank line under the names of the other three candidates.

Another Newsflash: If you need some non-partisan entertainment for an election party in the near future, Danny Murphy has some limited availability between campaign appearances. Send him an email at danny@business-humor.com.

I'm Danny Murphy, and I approve of this rant.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Trump vs. Clinton in Elect-ageddon! Let’s get ready to rumble.

Courtesy of DonkeyHotey via Wikimedia Commons

Our main event promises to be both exciting and entertaining. Here is the tale of the tape. In the red corner, Deplorable Donald Trump stands six feet and three inches tall and weighs in at 236 pounds. In the blue corner, Crooked Hillary Clinton stands five feet six inches tall and weighs 132 pounds. Don’t let her size deceive you folks. As her past opponents have found out, she has a very formidable jab.

Trump clearly has a height and weight advantage, but Clinton has far more experience in this type of one-on-one battle. Indeed, in some important ways, this fight is almost like a seasoned pro facing an over-sized and over-confident amateur. However, Trump has been training hard for this event, and it should be noted that he probably will have a few interesting tricks up his sleeve.

While Trump has earned a reputation as a brawler, his technique has been widely criticized for its crudeness. Clinton has shown much more finesse, something that Trump could find quite challenging to deal with. It will be interesting to see whether Trump wants to go toe to toe right from the start or whether he’ll be cautious and hold back waiting to see what Clinton comes at him with. Trump has been known to jump in too fast and he has made costly mistakes as a result.

The pre-bout head games have been interesting to say the least, involving the names of celebrities like Mark Cuban and Gennifer Flowers. Neither Trump nor Clinton will hesitate to hit below the belt if the opportunity to do so without getting caught presents itself. Since a low blow could be more troubling for Trump than for Clinton, it will be interesting to see which of our competitors goes there first. This could get ugly very quickly.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Elect-ageddon: Donald's Deplorables vs. Hillary's Clintonables

This election is shaping up to be the ultimate political showdown. The Deplorables have been clearly defined. Hillary Clinton recently said, “You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic — you name it. And unfortunately there are people like that. And he has lifted them up. He has given voice to their websites that used to only have 11,000 people — now 11 million. He tweets and retweets their offensive, hateful, mean-spirited rhetoric. Now some of those folks — they are irredeemable, but thankfully they are not America.”

But what about the Cintonables? What do the Clintonables believe? They believe that Hillary Clinton, Our Lady of Whitewater, can do no wrong. They believe that her pathological lying is nothing to be concerned about. They believe that she has been falsely accused of jeopardizing the nation’s security by using a private email server. They believe, in spite of the disaster at Benghazi and other foreign policy failures, that she was an excellent Secretary of State. Finally, they believe that she is fit for office and that she will be a fine President.

I’m Danny Murphy and I approve of this rant.

#MakeAmericaLaughAgain #deplorables #clintonables

www.murphyatlaw.com